Back In the Saddle

Wow! What a week! Those of you who know me well are aware that I was just released from six days in the hospital at UAMS. It's amazing what six days away can do to your life. I spent some much needed time thinking about all of the things that are going on with me. I was visited by some great friends and I thank so much my priest, Rev. Kate Alexander, for spending so much time with me. She was a true blessing.

I am much better now. The doctors have put me in touch with some great resources in Little Rock for help with my condition. There are a lot of obstacles, but things are definitely looking up. The Arkansas Aids Foundation has been paying what my insurance didn't pay for my medications for the last three years. Unfortunately, they have lost their funding and hundreds of clients are now without their medications. While I was in the hospital, I saw a great doctor who has directed me towards several resources that I didn't even know about. I am working with a social worker who is determined to get me back on my medications. We shall see how that goes. Ironically, as I'm writing this tonight, there is live coverage on CNN as the Senate struggles to get the necessary votes to begin debating health care. Really? Should the question of whether or not all Americans deserve access to healthcare even be a question at all? Is this really even a debate? I will tell you my friends, we live in the richest country in the world but the rich have been allowed to run things for too long. Americans truly have it wrong. It is appalling to me that anyone could possibly not believe that health care should be more accessible. After living for three years in Spain, I long for that country. Quality of life was so different there. Perhaps I will one day be able to return.

I'm sorry for the delay in my writing. I am determined to get back in the groove. Also, I will be speaking on World Aids Day to the College of Pharmacy at Harding University in Searcy. I am very excited about this opportunity to discuss with aspiring pharmacists the issues unique to those with HIV and their access to necessary medications. I'm sure you all know that Harding is a private college affilliated with the Church of Christ. What a roller coaster life is! I will be sure to keep you updated on what happens. Until then, Peace. Spend time with those you love and live life to the fullest. It is the holiday season! We are all alive and that is truly a blessing!

Fibonacci Poem

Love
with
harking
angelic
intensity. Love
with your heart and your mind unscathed.

An Email I Received From My Greatest Inspiration Ever-Anne Rice

I'm sure that you have all read or at least seen movies based on the amazing works of this woman. She has suffered the loss of her beloved husband, which I am sure has contributed to her ability to reach the dark side in her creative process. Even still, now she has gotten in touch with her own Catholic spirituality. This has led her in a whole new creative direction. Two later novels, Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt and Christ the Lord: The Road to Cana, reveal a returning to spirituality that anyone must admire, no matter their religious persuasion. Both of these novels leave the reader hungry for the release of her new work Angel Time, which was just released October 27. A defining moment in my life, was when I received the following email from Anne as a reply to one of my fan emaiIs. I was honored and humbled to receive such encouragement from such a literary great. Please read:

DAVID, this is a beautiful letter and deeply appreciated here. I love with my heart my gay readers, who have been faithful to me through every phase of my career, keeping my vampire novels alive during years when they might have left the shelves and never letting me down when it comes to profound moral response. As you probably know my son, Christopher Rice, is gay, a gay activist and gay novelist. I am immensely proud of him, and as a Christian and a Christian writer I never fail to mention this when the opportunity comes. David, I think all religions are changing in their attitudes to gays now. Christianity always has an embarassingly hard time with "new information" whether it is about the stars and the planets or about psychology or reproduction. But eventually Christians go back to Scripture, and to the Lord for new creative solutions, which are not "relative" but deeply truthful. I greatly admire your strength and conviction. God bless you and keep you. Anne Ric!

Unconditional Love

Earlier this week, I came across what I believe is the greatest example of philanthropy in recent days. It would probably not be difficult to identify my personal bias, though. Nonetheless, the recently deceased Bea Arthur left $300,000 of her estate to a nonprofit organization in New York City that provides housing for teenagers who are left homeless after coming out to their parents. What a beacon of hope among so much darkness. Bea lived a long life and no doubt saw a much darker day when gays were more persecuted even than today. But that didn't stifle her generosity and her fierce deveotion to what she believed was just. It is so encouraging that there are people in the world with a heart for these children, especially when they are already plagued with an identity that society won't let them come to terms with. Parents and right wing religious zealots who refuse to accept these children for who they are, I can relate only to Hitler's Nazis. When their hatefulness has led a child to suicide as it has in many cases, those "Christians" have this blood on their hands. Shame on those mental abusers who have refused these children a life safe from harm and a world in which to grow and realize their full potentials.

I got a letter from a "family member" of mine that I haven't spoken with in for four years. He's right. His parents certainly did put a roof over my head and feed me. And, no, they were not even my biological parents. It was very kind of them to do what they did. But if they felt that good parenting stops with putting a roof over a child's head and feeding them, I beg to differ. What was I a pet? They had a fucking cockatiel for more than 12 years, which by those standards was living like the Prince of fucking Sheba. Unfortunately, though, as I grew up and was beginning to realize who I was, my "boarders" refused to understand that I had troubles of my own. Don't get me wrong, though. I know now that my sexuality is a gift from God, not a punishment. However, there are lots of children who are not as strong as I was to resist the verbal abuse and threats of hell fire and damnation. Let it not be misunderstood, that I do not have a special place in my heart for those who choose to raise a child that is not their own. However, I feel the system, especially in the great state of Arkansas, has it all wrong when they deny a child to a parent because he/she is gay or unmarried. There should certainly be a box on the adoption form that says "Do you swear to love this child, no matter what, until death do you part? I wasn't the perfect child dropped on the porch by the stork that they had hoped for. In fact, I was a royal pain in the ass. NO PUN INTENDED.

Parents, if you are fortunate enough to have kids, love them for who they are. You didn't get to pick them, but they didn't get to pick you either. Feelings are unontrollable and it is a child's nature to need to be themselves, not mirror images of you. Fortunately, the kind of parents that I had are a dying breed as we slowly become a more tolerant society. President Obama just signed historic legislation this week that will punish any violent offender of another person based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. To that I say, it's about time. I don't expect to live to see it, but I know one day we will view this time as we now view the civil rights struggles of the sixties. Future generations will be ashamed that they are the ancestors of such hate.

Knot In My Stomach

This day is a bittersweet one. The sunshine is gloriously bathing the autumn tree branches outside. As I walk across campus in my ankle socks, the early morning dew rains on my feet with each step. Everyone is attempting to return to their normal routines after a busy pseudo holiday weekend. Actually, I guess the weekend does deserve the title of holiday. With Saturday being Halloween and Daylight Savings Time beginning. Yesterday, was one of my favorite holy days, All Saints Day, even though I didn't make it to church. Yes, it was a holiday. And a fine one at that.

Yet, with all this beauty, darkness always seems to find a crack or a crevice through which to creep. My favorite college instructor died suddenly, tragically, and undeservedly Saturday night. The irony of it is enough to pierce my heart and send me into death's waiting arms myself. Johnny Dollar was doing what anyone would have expected of him. He and his wife, Susan, were driving near Greenbrier when they approached an injured dog on the side of the highway. Johnny pulled the car over and got out to collect the dog and take it to the vet or perhaps simply be with it in its last moments. Then tragedy arrived when a MEMS truck struck Johnny. He was killed with Susan waiting safely in the car. Johnny taught social sciences at Pulaski Technical College. I had the honor of studying in his World Religions class, American Government, and World Civilization. He was an advocate for the oppressed and someone who will not be soon forgotten. RIP Johnny Dollar. We love you.

As it is, though, I am able to reflect on something in this sad moment that I believe Mr. Dollar would have appreciated. The fall is often a sad time for most of us. It represents death and departing of things that only days ago were alive and vibrant. I am choosing to think of this loss as a loss for the living but a return of a most honorable being to the infinite existence of the cosmos. There will be rejoicing there. If you know Mr. Dollar, please comment here in his memory.

Thank you for joining me this morning in my creative outlet. I hope many of you intend to follow my blog for a long time to come. Some days may be lighter than others on the intellect but it is my hope that we can hold hands and journey into our numbered days on this earth together. While bittersweet, today is a beautiful day. I recommend stepping outside into the crisp air, look up to the sky, and rejoice in your existence. Peace be with all of you.

WOW! Just as I thought I was ready to close this entry, I realized something. I believe Mr. Dollar was also an Episcopalian. I too am an Episcopalian. As I said above, yesterday was All Saints Day. For those who don't know, All Saints Day is the Holy Day in which we honor our loved ones who have passed in the year past. How fitting this is that the universe called Mr. Dollar home on the eve of this day!

Oh, Here's a Fun Fact For You

Here's a press release that you might enjoy.

http://crimesceneinvestigations.blogspot.com/2008/10/man-from-harrison-arkansas-was.html

This man killed my biological father in a motel parking lot over 30 bucks. Somebody must have been high. Wow, if that's not a country song waiting to happen, I don't know what is.

TMI

I'm not one who believes in too much information. As I claim in my profile, my life has always been an open book. That being said, if you stick around the blog long enough, there will be some things said that will embarrass my family. Not to worry, though. They are due the payback. After all, they've been embarrassing me for years now.

I am a prochoice, gun controlling, gay, HIV Positive, very left leaning, Episcopalian. I was raised by a family of wolves in the Ozark mountains. They didn't give birth to me, but they did adopt me and my biological brother. Growing up, we had what I believed to be a cookie cutter family. I was certainly the black sheep of the family.

Well, to give you the quick rundown on my life, I was born on the hill (that's what they call Fayetteville, Arkansas: Home of The Razorbacks). My mother was very young and quite frankly not interested in having children, although I was her second at an already young age. Apparently, contraceptives were not very well circulated at that time. My brother was born a year before me, by the same father, as far as I know. My mother kept us around her family for the most part. She was in and out doing things young unattached mothers do.

Needless to say, Mother headed to Dallas for the weekend with a friend somewhere areound 1981, leaving my brother and myself, three and two years old, respectively, with a babysitter. The babysitter wasn't aware unfortunately of my mother's apparent sudden memory loss. Well, a couple weeks passed and the babysitter was beginning to get concerned that Mother had forgotten to return to the hill to pick up her kids. While speaking to a cousin of her's in Mountain View, a city two hundred years back in time, the babysitter told her cousin about us over the phone one day. This wonderful woman and her husband were two angels with room in their home and hearts for two lost bos like us. They were a married couple in their forties which already had two grown daughters to keep them busy, but they had enough love to go around. So, they loaded up the truck and drove the three and a half hour pig trail to pick up my brother and me when the babysitter said she would have to get social services involved. The woman and her husband hadn't even seen us but they couldn't bear to think of two young brothers being split up. They picked us up, no legal adoption or anything, and brought us to Mountain View where they gave us a great home together.

We stayed with our new family for a brief while before Mom's memory of her two children returned. She then decided to drive to Mountain View to reclaim us. Our new family begged her to let them keep us but Mother wouldn't budge. Her situation was better now and she wanted a chance to raise her kids. So, she loaded us up and drove us back to the hill.

After a few months and several phone calls from our displaced new family, Mother was persuaded to return us and pursue a legal adoption process. I guess things got bad again for Mother. The family elect drove back to Fayetteville and met Mother at at a lawyer's office where she signed over custody of us forever.

So that's how my brother and I came to be . Well, there is much much more to this sorted story for later blogs. In fact, there is so much more that I'm leaving my life an open ended question to you my readers. If you would like to know something, just ask. If I know the answer, I may tell you.

THIS IS MY BEST INTERPRETATION OF THE EVENTS SURROUNDING THE ADOPTION OF MYSELF AND MY BROTHER. IT IS BASED ON A LOOSE COLLECTION OF FACTS GIVEN ME BY MY ADOPTIVE FAMILY WHO MAY HAVE BEEN A LITTLE BIASED. IN ANY CASE, I WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO YOUNG TO HAVE ANY ACCURATE MEMORIES. NAMES HAVE BEEN OMMITTED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT. LET IT BE SAID, THAT I NOW HAVE MET MY BIOLOGICAL MOTHER AND WE HAVE WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL A TEXT MESSAGING RELATIONSHIP. I HAVE FORGIVEN HER FOR GIVING ME AWAY, AS SHE AFFORDED ME A CHANCE TO GROW IN A SOMEWHAT MORE STABLE ENVIRONMENT. SHE IS MORE THAN WILLING TO ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM,IF THAT'S ANY CONSOLATION.